Moriel's Musings

I’ve come to realize that when I transitioned in the 90’s I never really dealt with my own issues around actualy being transgender. In my therapy sessions and with my doctors I was intensely focused on jumping through the HBIGDA (the predecessor of WPATH) hoops so that I could get letters of recommendation, HRT, and…

Dear S- It’s 1982. You are 12 years old. Tonight you are crying yourself to sleep. You just came in from standing under a tree with a rope. You were ready to hang yourself. You thought you couldn’t live any more if you couldn’t be a girl. But you got afraid. You thought it would…

I don’t want this blog to turn into a stream of reposts of other people’s work, but I saw this video this morning and it left me in tears and with a feeling of joy. Then I watched it a second time just so I could experience it once more. You can find the original…

[Edit – When I first wrote this post I misgendered the person in question. They identify as non-binary and I used binary pronouns for them. I assure you this was not intentional. When I first met them they were using the binary pronouns in question (not the ones assigned at birth, btw) and unfortunately those…

First they came for the immigrants and I said nothing, for I was not an immigrant. Am I the modern Niemoller? To be continued.

I’m moving this week, so I’ve been silent, but right now the movers are getting everything out of my house and I have a moment, so I thought I would share this. Yesterday while driving around I saw a bunch of wildflowers and it brought back a long forgotten memory of childhood. I remembered one…

I’m not going to be posting much the next week or two because I am about to move from one state to another on the other side of the country, so I’m going to be spending a lot of time packing, and the driving, and then unpacking.

Another diary entry. This was post transition and surgery and I was no longer dealing with gender issues directly, but was still dealing with the lingering depression and C-PTSD caused by gender dysphoria. October 14, 1999 Depression is a fuzziness and bluriness of the soul. Depression is the feeling that ones soul is disintegrating –…

Rant incoming. Today a couple of trans women in a Discord server – not a trans server – really pissed me off. I expressed my opinion that being transgender has a physical cause: genetics, endocrine anomalies, whatever. There is some limited research pointing in this direction, but nothing conclusive, and I said as much. My…

This diary entry talks about my fears of abandonment and feelings of loneliness, things I had been dealing with ever since first learning that people would hate me for being a girl at age 10. For me, being trans was a very isolating experience because I was so afraid to let anyone find out about…