I’m reading my old diaries again , written the day my egg broke and the following few weeks, and I was reminded of a couple of interesting this about myself back then.

First, in junior high I developed an alternate identity. Not as in being plural, but more of a fantasy to help me escape from real life. I decided that I was really from Middle-earth and that somehow my soul was trapped in a body here. Sometimes my alter ego was male, sometimes female. I even thought myself to be Arwen from the Lord of the Rings at times.

The other thing is that in my college years I felt that the rational part of my mind was personified as Reason. Capital R and that being the name I gave to this part of me. Reason even talked to me as an independent person and I wrote about him several times in my diary over the years.

Now I’m not saying I was ever a plural system, but I think I clearly was dissociating as a coping mechanism to deal with being trans. I’m wondering what other insights into my past self I’ll have as I continue reading my old diaries.