i have never understood any of the unwritten rules of conversation that neurotypical (and many neurodivergent!) people follow, and even though i’m 56 years old i have only this past year started trying to write down what i have been able to figure out on my own. Most of these things come from making the same mistake over and over and over again until the pattern finally becomes clear. i am going to post them here and update this post over time as i learn more rules. Maybe this will help someone else someday.

• Do not talk about suicide with anyone other than a therapist. It will be perceived as manipulation. Even if i think someone cares for me or that they might understand from personal experience, do not discuss it. It will only lead to them feeling hurt. Maybe it’s OK to talk about it in support groups where suicide really is a common thing.
• Do not discuss ideas that come into my head during a conversation, no matter how lighthearted or unimportant they may be. It will be perceived as arguing.
• Do not try to express empathy for someone by relating their experience to one of my own. It will be perceived as “making things about myself”.
• Do not offer explanations for your behavior. That will be interpreted as “making excuses”. If someone insists on an explanation the you must preface it with a statement such as “this is not an excuse” which will probably be ignored anyway. The only safe thing to do is apologize without any explanations.
• Say “You’re right” instead of “I know”.
• Unsolicited advice is criticism.
• Saying what i would do in a situation is perceived as the same thing as giving advice.