Last night I went to see a show. There were only about 40 people there, but it is a small venue so it felt crowded and the conversation of the people there was quite loud in that space. I had meant to take an Ativan beforehand, because of my social anxiety, but I forgot, and only realized it once I arrived and started feeling overwhelmed by the situation, especially by the noise. But I was not defenseless! I reached into my purse, got out my noise canceling earbuds, put them in, adjusted the sound level to something I was comfortable with, and then was able to enjoy the show.

A couple of months ago, this would not have happened, because I had not yet started using noise cancelation as part of my daily life. In May, I was traveling and had a 2 hour layover at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson airport. For those who don’t know, it’s the busiest airport in the world, and so naturally it’s incredibly crowded and noisy. Now, I have flown less than ten times over the past 25 years, so I am not accustomed to it and arrived in Atlanta totally unprepared for how loud it was. I have sound sensitivities, which in the past I’ve always just dealt with by withdrawing and shutting down when I would get overwhelmed, and that’s what happened in Atlanta. But this time, the press of the crowds of people, and the incredible volume and chaos of all their conversations hit me way harder than usual. I actually went to a bar, two of them, even, because I was hoping that a drink would help me to calm down. In the end I had three drinks, two of which were doubles. Normally I might have one drink every two or three months, so this was an enormous amount of alcohol for me to consume, and it was over the course of less than an hour.

That, of course, was a terrible idea. All it did was get me a little drunk, and it didn’t help me cope with the noise at all. But then when I was walking towards the terminal where my plane would be, I noticed a little shop selling electronic goods. I had forgotten to bring my headphones for listening to music, and it occurred to me that music might help me fight the shutdown, so I went there to see what they had, and there I saw them: Bose Quiet Comfort 2 noise canceling headphones. Although a bit of an audiophile, I had never bought anything from Bose before, because they have a reputation for being overpriced, but when I saw “noise canceling” my brain latched on to that and screamed at me to get them. They were literally the most expensive thing in the shop and I was a bit embarassed at how much I paid for them, but I was desperate.

I bought them and immediately put them on and the world got quieter. I used the cable to plug them into my old cell phone that I had brought along as a music player (intending to use it with the headphones I accidentally left at home) and suddenly I was in my safe space of soothing music. After that I started to calm down finally and was able to make the rest of my trip in peace.

This was a great experience, but I did not start using the headphones on a regular basis quite yet. For one thing, the instructions that came with the headphones made no mention of the fact that you have to use a cell phone app to control them, so for the next couple of months I didn’t make much use of them. Then at a Pride Parade at the end of June, where I was once again feeling overwhelmed by the sound of the crowd, a new friend lent me her own noise canceling headphones and I found myself in mostly silence and it was bliss! After that I got online to figure out how to use my own headphones, found out about the app, and then fully entered the world of noise cancelation! Since then I’ve also bought the earbuds I mentioned at the beginning of this piece.

To say that noise cancelation has changed my life is an understatement. It has completely transformed my relationship to public events! Whereas for most of my life, public events have been pretty much off limits to me except under limited circumstances (musical performances have been OK, because the sonic environment is less chaotic), now I am able to go anywhere at all, put in my earbuds, adjust the noise cancelation level to suit the situation, and then I can enjoy it. I can hear the people near me who I am speaking to, but the chaotic noise from all the other people around me is muffled and toned down to a tolerable level.

Now, a lot of autistic people have sound sensitivities, and I have, these past few months, gotten involved in a couple of online communities where they hang out, and I have learned that a lot of us use noise cancelation to great effect. I wish I’d gotten into these communities years ago so that someone could have told me about this, but I’m glad to finally know anyway. My life is so much better now!