Seems like lately everything is conspiring against me to strip me of any and all masks, coping skills, and ability to avoid my problems. All the pain and confusion and anxiety at my core has been laid bare for me and everyone else to see. I don’t like people seeing the real me because it’s so chaotic. Under the emotionless exterior I’ve always presented, is a seething, roiling, mess of raw emotions and unfullfilled needs that looks like something that crawled out of a Lovecraft story, and when others are exposed to it I worry that they will run away from me, leaving me even more alone than I already am and feeling even more isolated and unable to cope.

But I also know, intellectually, at least, that right now, with everything exposed and open to the world, is my only chance to actually heal some of the pain and to get some of my needs met for a change, so I’m fighting the urge to shut everything down again. I just hope I don’t end up hurting others in the process.